Return Engagment Ring When Engagement Is Off

Dear Addie,

Last Christmas my boyfriend and I became engaged. I gave him an extravagant number of expensive gifts because I knew I was getting an expensive ring.

He broke off the engagement about a month ago. At first he said he just needed time and we would be engaged eventually. Then he said he needed to call it quits for good.

I was hurt and devastated, and I still am. He asked me for the ring back and claims that it is legally his. I told him it was a gift in lieu of Christmas presents. He insists its his and he wants it back. He even offered to return the Christmas gifts I gave him if it would make me feel better. I told him he's just being mean and hurtful, and I've stopped speaking to him. He keeps leaving messages on my machine. I just want him to go away.

Dumped

Dear Dumped:

Thank goodness you didn't marry a guy who you think is being mean and hurtful. It's obvious he moved on and wants to tie up loose ends. Your best bet, for moving on yourself, is to tie them up as well.

Legally an engagement ring is a promise to marry. When the marriage is called off the engagement ring goes back to the giver. It SHOULD be the man (though this tendency of late of woman paying for their own engagement rings, even part of their own rings, is beyond me. If you have to pay for your own ring, you are crazy to get engaged to that guy).

In this case it was. I understand your point about it being a gift in lieu of Christmas presents, but you chose to forego Christmas presents to get the ring (another lesson ladies, LISTEN UP).
His gifts were gifts and he can keep them. Yours was a promise to marry and must be returned.

Why not just return it and move on? It hurts and it is hard but you were granted a reprieve that it didn't happen 2 months AFTER you were married or later when you had kids. Then you could have kept the ring but would have had a much tougher row to hoe.

You might be holding on to the ring to hold onto him and the dream that died. Don't. Let it all go. Better things are waiting for you. You say you want him to leave you alone. He will if you return the ring. Return the ring.

Do your grieving and move on. Returning the ring will help you get closure and he will be out of your life.

Best of luck.